Re-posted here with permission from the American Association of Suicidology
Guest
Author: Joel Phillips
Flash back to late fall of 2009, I tip
the scale at 377lbs…I am employed as a shipping clerk for a printing company,
the same type of job I held when I entered into the printing industry in
1989. In the wake of my journey through
life thus far are a failed sales career, divorce, bankruptcy and bouts with
paralyzing depression. My gall bladder
has just been removed and my doctors are insisting I do something about my
weight and general physical fitness.
After quite a colorful discussion, I
agree to start riding my bicycle during lunch.
The next day I put my bike, a red Diamond Back Accent EX, circa 1987,
into my truck and take it to work.
There, I lean it against a wall on the dock outside of my office window,
where it sat for about three months. The
intent was to ride it at lunch and get some type of cardio workout, but it was
easy to always talk myself out of riding.
Then, one particularly “bad” Monday, I decided Tuesday I would ride my bike
at lunch, so…that Monday night I got everything ready for the ride at lunch the
next day.
My wife left for work before I did, we
kissed goodbye and I gave her a little extra with the hug, I could see in her
eyes she sensed something different.
Charlie, my Boston terrier, was in his bed, on a chair, in our bedroom
window and I caught a glimpse of him as I tossed my backpack of stuff for the
ride on the passenger seat of my truck. In
the backpack there was nothing any cyclist would ever take on a ride. However this wasn’t just any ride for me, I
had decided it would be my last ride. In
my backpack was a note of apology to all of those I felt I had hurt during my
life, along with a loaded 9mm handgun. I
was going to ride my bike to a secluded spot along the Platte River trail and
end my life. I could see no other
solution and just wanted the heartache and misery to end.
As I rode past Mile High Stadium and
made the turn north where the path parallels Elitch Gardens, I remember feeling
the burning in my legs and chest as the trail went from flat to sloped, the
water in the river seemed louder, making it’s presence known. Then feelings I had as a little kid, when I
got my first bike, came back; not just bits and pieces, but like a flash
flood. For the first time in a LONG time
I felt alive! I could feel my heart
pounding and my breathing was very heavy as I rolled my 377lb frame into
Confluence Park. I stopped and took in
what I was seeing, the Platte River and Cherry Creek converging, the Rocky
Mountains towering above the horizon, beyond the cityscape. My bicycle had breathed the will to live back
into my soul, and opened my eyes not only to a new world of possibilities, but
a world where anything is possible.
Today, I am joyfully alive, 100 pounds
lighter and deeply passionate about empowering others to choose life and health
by finding the joy still living within their hearts. When I am not teaching spin classes at About
Time Fitness, I am the Founder and Executive Director of the newly formed
non-profit, Arapahoe County B-cycle and associated for profit marketing
business, Reasons2Ride. However, we are
creating much more than just a bike sharing program and encouragement to ride. The organizations are about giving people
inspirational and motivational reasons to move and at the same time connect
with each other and with local businesses.
The goal is to offer programs and services that create not only an
inspired, healthy and mentally fit society but also hope, connectedness,
economic stability and common unity in our local community. Beyond just a bicycle program, the vision is
to inspire new possibilities for living joyfully.
To say the bicycle has left me touched,
moved and inspired is an understatement; for it has truly been my vehicle for
personal transformation. I chose life
three and a half years ago and now I am living a life I could never
imagine. It’s not been easy, like riding
a bicycle, there always seems to be hills to climb, yet if you keep pedaling no
mountain is too steep.
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| Pure Joy” self-portrait taken in the morning on day 2 of 2012 Ride the Rockie…before any REAL climbing began |
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