AAS Survivor Division Director
At the International Association for Suicide Prevention
Congress in 2009, Tony Gee, a suicidologist from Australia said, “…when we
closely look at the bereavement literature we find that it tells us time and
time again, that the ‘lived experience’ of the bereaved has a range of
dimensions, some of which may in fact be quite different from what some of the
traditional theories (really coming from that ‘objective’ realm) have been
prepared to recognize….”
He went on to explain that the continuing bond between the
deceased and the living seems to continue on two levels:
1) “an internal representation, living on in memory, being
part of the internal self-structure, being a sort of constant internal
companion,” and
2) “an actual sense of presence of the deceased as a
separate individual identity who is still around in some way after death and
this presence may be experienced in a number of different ways.”
He described the two as not mutually exclusive.
This past spring Danielle Jahn and I, with support from
Texas Tech University, conducted a survey asking people bereaved by suicide
about these types of experiences.
Our recruitment efforts stated “People bereaved by suicide
needed for research on spiritual experiences subsequent to their loss,” and we
sent requests for participation to members of or visitors to the following:
·
American Association of Suicidology
·
International Association for Suicide Prevention
·
Survivor Support Networks
·
Social Media (Facebook, Twitter)
We got a strong response: almost 700 people completed our
questionnaire. While it will be months before we have a published report of our
findings, I wanted to give the membership a sense of what we discovered
initially:
· About 70% of our sample experienced some sort of
“spiritual experience” with their loved one who died by suicide.
· The most common manifestation was dreaming of
the deceased (72%), followed by feeling the presence of the deceased (51%) and
experiencing profound coincidences (41%).
·
About one third of our sample experienced their
first “sign” immediately after death and another third experienced it within
the first month.
· About 90% of our group told another person about
their after-death communication, and most found that the person they told was
supportive or intrigued, but a few felt discounted. People most often told
included:
o
Friends and family
o
Support groups
o
Faith leaders
o
Mental health professionals
o
Psychics
o
The most common emotional reactions to these
experiences were love (60%), peace (55%), and sadness (47%).
Some of the survey responses that people wrote were deeply
moving:
· “My son came to me in a dream about 2 weeks
after he died. He said mom, ‘I'm sorry, I can't get back.’ I said, ‘It's okay,
I will see you again.’ I felt his hug and then I woke up. A few weeks later I
had another dream. I went to hug him and I knew he was gone. He has moved on to
another place.”
· “The dream was most profound. It seemed so real.
My son, who I found after he shot himself, came to me in dream as a toddler. He
was wearing a striped shirt that he wore as a child. The following day, an old
friend, who lives I'm another state, sent a photo she found of him with my
deceased father. He was wearing the same shirt as in the dream. My friend and I
had not spoken since his death and she had no knowledge of the dream. I had
cried all morning after and even described the shirt to my husband before we
received the photo. My only son was 28 when he died.”
· “Initially, I 'lost' my faith, not sure I really
'believed' anymore. The Spiritual experiences were gentle, if not shocking
reminders that God wasn't going to abandon me because I was doubting my
upbringing and teachings. In fact, it was expected, and I knew 'God' would wait
and be patient as I struggled on my grief journey. I was approached by total
strangers in moments of need…music with specific messages at crucial times…. I
even had one 'visitation' by the Holy Trinity (Father, Son, Holy Ghost),
unmistakable, and life-changing, in all places, in the Washington DC Metro. I
am a physician, a scientist, and also an advocate social worker, with expertise
in mental health and emotional conditions. My perspective on mental fitness is
totally changed, with a new-found realization how much we avoid dealing with
‘Spiritual Fitness.’”
Michelle Linn-Gust has often said, “The bond is not broken;
the bond is changed. People really need to know that their loved one is still
part of their life. There is so much fear that if we move forward we are
letting them go.”
If you have experienced an after-death communication that
you would like to share with me, I invite you to contact me at
Sally@CarsonJSpencer.org.
Reposted with permission from the American Association for
Suicidology.
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